


Early Afternoon Pleasure

by lakesinstillness



Category: Dir en grey, Sukekiyo (Band)
Genre: Bible Quotes, Catholic Imagery, Communion | Eucharist, Hand Jobs, Inaccurate Catholicism, Internal Conflict, Masturbation, Nuns, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Roman Catholicism, Secret Crush, nun!kyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lakesinstillness/pseuds/lakesinstillness
Summary: Sister Kyo tries something new.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Early Afternoon Pleasure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [direngrey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/direngrey/gifts).



> Thank you Gabe for encouraging me to write this fic and read it over!! And also showing me nun!Kyo stuff for the first time owo.
> 
> Quite a few artistic liberties in this one but I tried to be as accurate as possible lol

Sister Kyo never had much difficulty with being a nun. He didn’t have much interest in love in the first place, and he never had particularly strong sexual urges. He didn’t feel like becoming a nun would mean losing out on anything important to him, and he didn’t have much trouble resisting in temptation. So if living a monastic life would bring him closer to God and help others, it seemed like the best option for his future. Sure, there were some mundane moments, and living such an orderly life wasn’t always easy, but he never found it difficult, and he was relatively satisfied with the choice he made.

But just because being a nun wasn’t difficult didn’t mean there weren’t concerns he had. First, he never particularly felt a connection to his God, even after taking his solemn vows. He heard many stories from the other nuns about their relationship with Him, how they felt His presence when they prayed, received Communion, or gave to others. He listened to the elementary school students talk about their “God moments” and the progressive high schoolers tell him that their relationship to God was more personal than connected to any sort of organized religion. He heard about all these different experiences with God, yet he could relate to none of them. Sometimes he wondered if it weren’t for him being raised Catholic and simply telling himself he believed in God, if he would actually believe at all, but he tried to push those thoughts out of his head.

Second, Kyo worried that he missed out on things in life. If his relationship with God wasn’t even particularly strong, would he have found a better calling if he had pursued another vocational path? And sure, he wasn’t interested in love, but would that have changed if he found the right person? It was easy to push those thoughts away when he was younger, when everything was new. He wasn’t as passionate as the rest of the nuns seemed to be, but he enjoyed teaching the Cathlolic school students and becoming a sort of family with his sisters and the clergymen. But once he entered his 40s and things didn’t feel so new, he began to worry about what he could have been missing out on. Kyo heard that mid-life crises were mostly myth, but that seemed to fit what he was going through.

It didn’t help that a priest was transferred to his parish around the same time who made him… rethink things. Father Shinya was around Kyo’s age, but he still looked somewhat young for his age. He was quite meek, and didn’t seem as outspoken as most priests Kyo knew, but he still performed his job well. And despite how quiet he was, Kyo formed a friendship with him much faster than most of the other nuns. His closeness with the priest wasn’t the issue, though. The first time Kyo saw Father Shinya, he thought he was looking at an angel. He was beautiful, and had an air of purity about him, which made Kyo’s feelings seem even more impure. It wasn’t that Kyo wanted to form a relationship with him--and he wouldn’t even consider pursuing a relationship with an ordained man if he did--but the priest made Kyo feel a way he hadn’t felt that strongly before.

Kyo never found it difficult to resist the temptation to masturbate, mainly because he never felt that tempted in the first place. Even in his teen years, before he took his vows and when everyone around him seemed to be doing it, he never indulged in the act, finding pleasure out of nonsexual activities like studying or reading the Bible. But now, with all of these crises, it seemed like the perfect time. He had become more tempted to do it now that Father Shinya stirred up something within him, and perhaps engaging in masturbation would help him gauge if he was missing out on something by living this monastic life.

Though he was considering engaging in the act, the threat of eternal damnation was definitely a drawback of actually going through with it. He wasn’t as scared of that as he felt he should have been, though; he rationalized going through with it by telling himself plenty of monastics and clergymen have probably done it, and most laypeople do it, and his relationship with God wasn’t close in the first place. But still, he didn’t want to rush into it if he didn’t have to, and decided he would only do it if he really felt he had to.

The day he finally felt like he could no longer resist the temptation was a Sunday in December, the day they lit the second purple candle of the Advent wreath. His feelings began as Father Shinya, who was leading Mass that day, stood at the pulpit to read the Gospel. Kyo’s lips tingled as he performed the triple sign of the cross before Shinya began the reading, which was from the end of Chapter 25 in the Gospel of Matthew. Kyo tried his best to focus on the Gospel, but with his arousal growing and having heard this reading so many times, it became difficult.

Though, Kyo managed to pay attention towards the middle of the reading, as if Father Shinya’s voice raised in volume when he spoke: “‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” As the priest began the next part of the reading, about the goats being cast away, Kyo found himself zoning out again.

Father Shinya’s homilies were usually entertaining to listen to, mainly because it was the priest’s first year at the parish and they weren’t as predictable. But with the holiday season underway and Gospel reading focusing on charity, his homily was quite typical. How materialistic the holidays can be, and how we should be more focused on giving than receiving, and how just because many of the laypeople will be on vacation doesn’t mean there’s a vacation from prayer or good works. He had heard the same thing so many times before, but he forced himself to focus on it, in order to take away from the thoughts that had distracted him during the readings.

It was when receiving the Eucharist that Kyo began to feel he wouldn’t resist this temptation. He helped give out the Communion at first, and then Father Shinya gave him his. The exchange wasn’t particularly extraordinary, but for some reason it stirred something from within him. The look in the Father’s eyes as he placed the Bread in Kyo’s cupped hands made Kyo feel like one of the Twelve, looking into the eyes of Christ on the Last Supper. Letting Christ’s Body dissolve on his tongue as he walked back to his seat and knelt to pray. He was glad his habit was so loose, because he was certain he was hard at this point. He just had to wait for Father Shinya to dismiss them, and he could go back to his room. The other nuns were having lunch after Mass, so he knew his roommate, Sister Uruha, wouldn’t be in. He could finally _do it_.

Father Shinya dismissed the congregation, and Kyo and the other nuns walked out during the closing hymn. He told the others that he didn’t have much of an appetite and wanted to rest before choir practice after lunch, and retired to his room.

Once he was sure he was alone, Kyo began to plan out the act. He started by disrobing, starting with the veil and coif on his head and then removing his belt, scapular, and tunic. Normally it was easy to undress himself, as he took his time with everything, but the sense of urgency made him fumble a bit, and he didn’t bother to fold everything once he was finished.

It wasn’t until he was in front of the mirror that Kyo began to remove his underwear, exposing his cock, which was miraculously still hard. Fully aware of what he was about to engage in, the nun knelt in front of the mirror nervously. Seeing his reflection as he was about to do it made him uncomfortable, but that didn’t stop him from looking away. If he was going to do this, he wanted to be fully aware of himself as he did it.

Kyo didn’t know much about masturbation; he considered reading about how he should go about it, but worried reading about the act would add to the sin. Instead, he just trusted his instincts and the little he did know about it, stroking his long-neglected cock with his right hand. The sensation was quite unlike anything he had felt before, and he found it difficult to contain his moans. He didn’t expect it to feel as good as it did, especially since he had gone so long without doing it. But it felt amazing, and it gradually got even more pleasurable once he figured out a good rhythm with his strokes. He felt a connection with his body he had never experienced before, but even more than that, he felt a connection to the divine.

This immaculate moment felt like a second Confirmation for Kyo. His body finally felt like a temple, his moans singing in the very same tongues the Apostles were granted at Pentecost. His room was his Jerusalem, and his reflection in the mirror was an icon. His stimulated penis was the tree of life, about to bear fruit into his cupped left hand; his right hand was one with Mary Magdalene's when she was warned to not touch His glorious Body. His heart, soul, and strength all working in tandem towards one Passionate climax. It was a miracle, as great as the ones performed in Cana, Bethsaida, and Bethany.

Because this moment of watching as he pleased himself, loved himself, _worshipped_ himself, made him feel closer to God than prayer or good works ever did.

After finishing, Sister Kyo continued to rest on the floor for a moment, his eyes going back and forth between his reflection and his dirtied left hand. He couldn’t believe he had actually done it, and how it made him feel. Now he was truly convinced Shinya was an angel, sent by the Father to trigger this divine experience. Though, despite how amazing it was, Kyo didn’t feel like the last 43 years of his life were wasted; going this long without feeling anything that strongly is what made it so satisfying.

It was the faint sound of Christmas carols that made Kyo finally snap out of it. Had he really been gone for that long? He hurried to the bathroom to wash his hands, and then checked his watch. It was still too early, so he presumed they finished lunch earlier than expected. Still, he didn’t want to be late, so he rushed to dress himself and meet with his sisters.

Kyo wasn’t quite sure where things would go from here, what the divine connection he felt truly meant, if he would continue masturbating or even consider leaving the nunhood. He figured all would reveal itself in due time, and was excited to see where this new chapter in his life would take him.

**Author's Note:**

> (Also the Bible passage I included is from Matthew 25:37-40 NIV for anyone who wants to check that out)


End file.
